five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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