She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
