Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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