We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
