After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
