If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
this just has baby written all over it
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
