I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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