u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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