He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
