I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
