My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
