I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You left your underwear on the fireplace
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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