He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
