If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
