He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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