you guys were way drunker than both of me
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
