this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
