I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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