I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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