Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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