I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
