I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
