I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
