I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize