I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
