there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize