chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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