It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
