he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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