Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
