Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
