I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
