haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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