I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
