Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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