The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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