He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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