He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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