i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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