Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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