They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
