Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
