apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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