I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he thought i was a dude.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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