i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
