Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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