I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My feet surprised me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
