I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
