Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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