I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
