My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
