Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Randomize
