We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
