Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
