I'm lost and stupid without you.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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