you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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