Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
