You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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