We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
