turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
