now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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