Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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