i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Welp...herpes.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
