My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
