I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
