I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
