i think my mom watched the whole time
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
