I like to think it a success when the cops are called
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize