i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
