Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
