yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
