I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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