if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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