I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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