I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
