I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
