You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
