my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
