Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize