meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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