Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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