Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
