FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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