he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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