he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
