I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
