My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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