He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
