she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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