OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize