So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
