Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
