I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
