I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
