He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
