i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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