Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
