sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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