What a fucking waste of an outfit
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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