Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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