walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
